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Posted on: October 12th, 2009 BEHIND THE BEHIND

Another update from our friends in New York at Dollar Bill’s Psycho Roundup.

I awakened at 5 AM this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep for pondering why anybody would want to read this blog in the first place. It’s nothing but a diary of a dismally dysfunctional ad ho! I can see why guys would look at the pictures. THAT I get. But read the words? Who cares?

And finally, after tossing and turning for what must have been 3 minutes…I came up with the answer. It’s all about the backstory. For some reason, everybody loves the old “behind the behind.” There’s nothing so fascinating as discovering the real background and subtext of a situation. Just for example…I’m dying to know what Letterman did with all those babes in what he hoped was the privacy of his own bedroom. A Dave tell-all would sell even more than Paul Shaffer’s book, which has apparently zoomed to the top of The New York Times Best Seller List.

And of course, every good backstory needs a catchy title if it’s gonna get published. Like when I was writing my wannabe cabby book, I had three titles I thought were pretty good: “Life Is a Cab-aret,” “My Meter Runneth Over,” and “The Happy Hacker.” I considered all three reasonably upbeat for a book full of dark and depraved Travis Bickle style stories. So now if this crap were to become a book (I’ve already written 200,000 words on this blog), what would I entitle this dog shit? That’s easy! BEHIND THE BEHIND…as in…the insider info on girls who sell ass!

I know! It’s lame! Almost as lame as this blog! Whatever..let me be a legend in my own mind. Without that delusion, I’m nothing. Hey! It could be worse. I got a couple of girlfriends who fantasize about “pimping me out.” Fucking weird. I find it so strange that not one…but two women are harboring the same twisted psychosexual fantasy. And trust me…I did not cultivate or manipulate the situation. Both these girls did it mutually exclusively, which might indicate the mindset of a lot of escorts. Whatever…I let them lead the dance mostly…although occasionally I take over just to let them know who’s got the plug and who’s got the socket. Ya know…I play the role so they can get all excited…and then lower the boom and let them know who’s boss. It’s all very titillating – except sometimes these girls turn violent and I get my face smacked right in the middle of a hot and amorous moment.

I think I need to find a normal girlfriend and get away from these freaks! Yeah, that’ll happen. I used to go to bars and clubs and hit on babes. And sometimes I’d bust a move and captivate a delicious diva with my seductive personality, only to have her walk off once she’d discovered what I do for a living. After all…what woman wouldn’t want a boyfriend who hangs out with a bunch of garden tools all day for a living? OK! Is my hour up, doc? How much do I owe you?

Bill helps Alexis Club with the advertising in major adult publications on and off line.

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